Pale clouds lumbered over the dusty busy streets of Diagon Alley bustling with life bursts of magic and entertainment. A house unlike any other colorful but it too bursts life, every corner the chimneys smoking with glad filling the atmosphere with lively challenges hoping something would happen. Inside the shop were many many wonderful mostly beautiful drawings coming straight out of plain paper looking as if it were fake but it wasn’t fake at all just magic.
Wide rows of selection were hard to choose because all the selection of objects were all equally made hand crafted and carved to perfection. Dragons, cranes, animals, glide around the shop as origami papers floating around not broken but free to what they please. Magic pens and pencils stocked the front shelves showing the magic behind it. Beautiful colors and wonderful shapes of pens were folded to perfection. Markings over these pens were ancient symbolizing that art has been here on earth for a longer time than usual.
Paper airplanes were even cooler than usual they would fly under the control of the users mind following every command, but there are a few limitations those limitations are forbidden to be broken or else the plane will not exist anymore. even masks came to life more than anything just like a normal one but books with masks in them come to life like a ghost for a few seconds to show whats in it. once it shows it disappears and comes back another time if someone flips the page or goes back to the same one.
Beautiful paintings marked the rainbow colored walls. Ships, airplanes, towns, cities, people even were painted across the never ending halls of majestic hand crafted work. Smells of all disgusting to powerful smells filled the rooms. the carpets strung beautifully across the floor creating a scene of wonders that lay beyond the silk sown floors touching each other. Paint buckets were stacked on top of another towering above like a skyscraper multiple colors from white to black to red to orange they are all used differently and have their own sense of humor like blue for example making a room look like the ocean literally making feel like your in an aquarium but it’s just pain works 24/7 never stops.
Red makes it look like a desert hot sunny barely any life except for bugs and lizards and a few mammals roaming around but enjoyable if you have a little bit of a hard time. Green makes a rainforest full of life beautiful birds perched on tree flowers and mammals rolled across the walls. Bugs of all shapes and sizes crawled around from beetles to butterflies.
Through to the front of the store was nearly all books all shapes and sizes most importantly these books contain many many wonderful spells and fun looking potions for the children who always mess around with magic.
Hi Nico,
Here is some feedback.
Pay careful attention to your capital letters, spelling and punctuation. There are some errors popping up in your writing and it is important that you can catch them and correct them.
You have a little issue with run-on sentences. This is when you have tried to put too much information in a single sentence. Read your work out loud so you can hear the natural pauses in your work. That is where you need to put a full-stop.
Be careful about using empty adjectives. These are words to do not add descriptive value. Try to be as specific as possible with your details.
Good work.
Mr Johnson
Hi Nico,
You need to read your work out loud. There are some sentences which do not fit with the context you have created. Reading aloud will help you hear the times where your sentences are a little clumsy.
Remember the connotations of your word choices. There are some times where you are using words with positive connotations but then you swap to using negative ones. Make sure you remain consistent with this.
Mr Johnson